Hey guys,
I think by now, those of you who are/have been in one of my classes know how I feel about the, “Everyone gets a trophy” philosophy... but just in case you missed it... I CAN’T STAND IT!
Losing is part of life, and children need to understand that sometimes, even if you work really hard and you deserve to win... you still lose. Not learning this lesson as kids can have serious consequences for a person’s development as well as have a negative impact on adult life.
In the April edition of Psychology Today, the cover story covers this issue as well as discusses how difficult it is to give and receive negative feedback. Too often we are simply told, “good job” or “nice try”, we never learn how to handle a boss or a colleague letting you know that it wasn’t a “good job” or that you don’t get credit, or get to keep your job because you gave it a “nice try.”
According to the article, kids learning how to receive negative feedback helps them in the adult world or performance based job reviews. A coach letting you know what you are doing wrong, a teacher critiquing a research paper, friends letting you know that maybe “green just isn’t your color”... these are all adolescent examples of what adults face in the work force.
Truth be told, no one enjoys negative feedback, but it is a reality we must face each day. As a teacher, my department head, my principal, and assistant principals, all offer praise, feedback, and criticism... they have to! I want to hear when they think I’m doing well, and I need to hear about it when they think I’m not doing well... how else can I improve and ultimately keep my job?
This does not imply that people need to be cruel when offering feedback, but they do need to be honest, and we need to learn to accept it as an opportunity to improve and succeed.
And for the love of all that is good in the world...
EVERYONE DOES NOT GET A TROPHY!!!!
What do you think?
- x
FYI: Psychology Today’s 8 Rules of Effective Feedback (give and get)
1. Always lead with questions: How do you think you are doing?
2. Never give criticism unless it’s been invited.
3. Make sure you are seen as having authority to give corrective feedback.
4. Distinguish whether a demand for change reflects your needs or is a valid critique of how someone is doing something. (know if you are being too demanding.)
5. Never give feedback when you are angry.
6. Know who you are talking to. (Narcissists take any criticism as a personal attack; the insecure lose all self-esteem)
7. Know yourself! Realize if you are being over sensitive
8. Expect defensiveness as a first response
First of all, the kids who are just used to hearing that they did great no matter what, turn into the nastiest brattiest kids, EVER. and not only that, they are the worst teenagers and adults, who forever act self centered and spoiled.
ReplyDeleteBut it isn't just they act this way that concerns me, they really are that way. Incapable of taking any kind of criticism, these kids are actually convinced they do no wrong.
And its pointless...the kids all know the score at the end of the game anyways...
Losing is a part of life. Everbody does in fact lose at something, and it is a good thing to lose so you understand what it feels like when a big event happens. Kids who always win constantly brag about it, but when they lose for the first time its going to be a problem for them. Also parents do give you those littel speeches before and after the game and sometimes you just do not want to hear it. Receieving negative feedback can be good at times so we do not make the same mistakes.
ReplyDeleteLosing is just part of life. These children need to learn it's not all about winning. To bad they lose, everyone loses at least once in their life. Then these children just become brats and expect everything if they win or lose. So, it is not a good idea to do this.
ReplyDeleteI agree with violette's post. Telling a child that he/she is always a winner will not help them later in life. In the world of careers, their is no award if you cannot do the task given. If your boss gives you a project and you cannot make this project to his/her standards, their is no "hey, good job!" Parents and other adults need to realize the impact that this "awards for everyone" mind set has on youth. Children will begin to expect things (like awards) instead of being greatful.
ReplyDeleteI would have to agree with Violette.. all the kids that get what they want and told they are doing a great job even when they aren't turn out to be the most obnoxious and brattiest kids. These qualities then carry into their teenage years, and they become rude teenagers that think rules don't apply to them and can just walk around and do whatever they want. These teenagers then turn into adults who are extremely self centered and think that everything they do is fantastic, and they are not even capable of doing anything wrong. People like that really bug me. Kids that are spoiled little brats really annoy me, especially when their parents spend every waking second talking about how great their kids are. You kids aren't great at all, they are just like everybody else. You need to teach them that or else they are going to be oboxious for the rest of their lives. When a kid sucks at something, they need to be told they suck at it so that they can learn that not everything they do is great. People just need to learn that not everybody gets a trophy and if you suck at something, you need to be told that it was awful. Negative feedback is just as important as positive feedback. People just need to learn which times are appropriate for which types of feedback.
ReplyDeleteNegative feedback can make praise more meaninful. If someone is constantly being praised then it can begin to mean very little to them. Not saying that someone should not always be praised for what they have done right, but there needs to be a balance. You need to know what you need to improve on and how to get better. I love the quote "the best know how to get better" so even if you played a great game you can always get better! Negative feedback can make people better and makes praise more meaninful!
ReplyDeleteNot to sound redundant but yea losing is a part of life and people need to learn to live with it how do you expect them to grow? its the only way they can safely learn a lesson.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who always thinks they win, leads to Narcissism, correct? I would assume so, parents need to just be themselves around their children and tell the truth, instead of just telling them how perfect they are, we clearly don't live in a perfect world, just look at the prisons. I just feel like children should get the truth as early on as someone can morally give.
ReplyDeleteLife isn't fair. There are winners and losers. As much as we would all love to shelter the little kids from "real life", it's just not practical. It's better for them to learn that negativity happens, and how to deal with it, early in life so they know how to deal with it when they get older. And you don't learn half as much if you do everything right. You learn when you make mistakes, so you know that it doesn't work, and to try something else.
ReplyDeleteI think negative feedback actually helps kids or just anybody. If you tell someone they did not do a good job cathcing the ball then they will try hard next time to be good. It has a better effect of people than good feedback. Plus people who give negative feedback are the ones who really care and are honest.
ReplyDelete-Saman
Children should not get a trophy just for participating. Once the unneeded praise ends, these children are unable to take any negative feedback. While telling a child that they sucked is not acceptable either, parents and coaches should always be constuctive and give advice on how they could have done better. Even in high school, the students should not be encouraged on doing things incorrectly because they are shying away from their feelings.
ReplyDeleteI think that everyone needs negative feedback or they'll never know what they need to improove on. BUt it doesnt need to be harsh.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, I didn't want to receive a trophy unless I won it. It's not only more fulfilling to earn it, but what's the use of having a little trophy on your shelf that says sixth place. Save the money and tell the kids better luck next year. Like myself, I'm pretty sure most kids don't play sports for the trophy. Those who do never stick around anyways.
ReplyDelete-Brandon M.
I dance competitively and although it's awesome to hear that we rocked on stage or we cleaned up everything nicely, I'd rather get the right criticism when needed. Granted if I mess up, I normally realize what I did before someone even tells me but that's besides the point. Not everyone deserves a trophy, this world has become too wrapped up in the idea of fairness. In fact, the word fair has some how become twisted in many peoples minds. Being fair is recognizing what deserves a reward, but somehow everyone thinks even if someone did poorly on something it should still be acknowledged. In reality, life isn't fair.
ReplyDeletePeople need to get over themselves, wake up and realize that the world does not revolve around them. If it did, our society would get no where. Being able to know the value of something is important in life, not everything will be handed to you and to know that you did the right thing is a great feeling but if you blatantly did something wrong, one should understand that and learn from it. You don't learn anything if every little thing you do is awarded with a trophy or a celebratory dinner. Life is about winning and losing, you'll have your ups and you're have your downs. Everyone needs to get off their high horse and start realizing the only way they'll be successful is if they're able to positively take constructive criticism.